*Confessions*
{Thursday, May 29, 2008 @ 12:14 PM}
One more shot.
Love is,
when you received a message, you'll turn the phone facing down to anticipate the moment, knowing that the person is she.
when there's a call, you'll try to sound as if you're laid back when you know she can hear you smile.
when you're out together, a moment of her glimpsing in an unknown direction for awhile will leave you.. uncomfortable.
laughter seems to be the company even when the tide is down. you'll find yourself making up even the most stupidest things just to see her smile. (e.g. Recycling water trash bin)
when you're having a bad day, you'll only want that person to know that you are. you don't want her consolation. you just want her presence.
when you're mad at her, you want her to notice. you want her to make a big hoo haa over it, which in the end, will lighthen your load.
when she's lying on your chest, her head fits perfectly.
when she inhales, you wanna inhale.
when she exhales, you do too.
you find that stroking her hair and watching her sleep is heartwarming.
you realize that you want to be the only one.
to hold her.
to kiss her.
to hug her.
for her to need.
for her to touch.
for her to kiss and hug.
for her to embrace.
for you to embrace.
for love.
i don't know what love is.
but i know what i want.
they say it's about letting the other half have the last piece of chocolate.
they say it's the longing for each other.
others say its just a matter of give and take.
well i say, lets stop defining it.
and start feeling it.
cause i am now.
:)
{Wednesday, May 28, 2008 @ 11:44 PM}
Life's just going in a mellow sorta wayy now.
Assignments are being handed up one by one.
Interviews are being screwed up and done well.
and congkak scared the bejeezus out of me!
i warn you, oh humans..
DO NOT WATCH THAT MOVIE.
or maybe she's right.
maybe i'm just too much of a scaredy cat.
BUT WHO FREAKING CARES!
it really is... scary.
ayie will definitely agree.
kan ayie kan?
hehe.
:)
dah.
i wanna go hide under the blanket.
BYE.
And stop being an ass yenny!
-_-
{Monday, May 26, 2008 @ 11:37 PM}
Today..was..rough.
and tomorrow's not going to be any better.
take off that blindfold.
please.
i'm dying here.
dramatic.
i know.
i give you 2 seconds in my shoes.
and you'll be as dramatic as i am now.
done.
{Wednesday, May 21, 2008 @ 10:49 PM}
My fingers are dying to type.
but something is stopping it.
why am i limited?
why can't i just be blunt like how the rest are?
why can't i just speak my mind out?let's give it a try.
i went jogging.
and guess what.
i've just deleted all the vulgar languages that i wanted to type down after typing 'i went jogging'
but nahh. i'll pass.
and then.....
it all happened.
so goddamn fast.
i punched.
i sprinted.
i kicked.
i overexterted this useless body.
but the mind..just..wouldn't..stop..
it's starting to scar all over again.
{Monday, May 19, 2008 @ 5:43 PM}
After weeks of agony.
Lost in thoughts.
Drifting from life.
it's all over.
and it's all good. :)
thank you. again.
i'm the lead actor plus spectator.
the lead actor when i'm relieving the role.
a spectator when i can't possibly do anything else and just watch how it unfolds.
now that's scrutiny.
a contradiction.
talk about the change of authority in seconds.
but crap.
i'm a spectator now.
so lets sit down and watch.
do what you must.
i either harden up or dissolve.
take your pick.
cause i'm not choosing anymore.
{Monday, May 12, 2008 @ 12:24 AM}
Today was mother's day.
and mum practically told me not to do anything for her cause she wants to save the emotional phases.
wahwhawhaw.
boleh mcm gitu.
but heck.
i just gave her a side hug and wished.
how can i not love that woman?
:)
and then it was off with projects.
took the whole morning to get it done.
talked on the phone and slept my ass off the rest of the day.
woke up.
went out.
played at the arcade.
played taiti.
smoked.
went home.
finished up project.
handed it up.
and now blogging.
:O
tomorrows the starting of the 4th week.
which means i got 3 more weeks of school.
hmmmm.
seems fair.
but somehow i don't want it to end.
I M Logaraj.
get well soon!
:)
and now.
i'm elated.
ecstatic.
euphoric.
happy.
why?
ADAAAAA AHHH.
i'm done.
God did answer my prayers. :)
{Saturday, May 10, 2008 @ 12:03 AM}
Our fear is not that we are inadequate.
It is that we know we are brilliant.. Perfect.
But we are very much afraid to acknowledge.
So, why can't we be what we want to be?
With flaws all opened up, i hate this phase.
You will never understand.ever.
{Friday, May 09, 2008 @ 12:45 AM}
Sometimes i can't explain my actions.
You see, i'm the type that reacts according to how my feelings tell me too.
sometimes things turn out right..
sometimes it soaks the whole situation with gasoline...
and my words may turn out to be the matchstick.
but you can mark my words on one thing,
i do this to people i trust.
people who i know will be there for me.
people i love and hold dear to me.
so yes, i hypocrite to others.
i'll say the exact opposite of what i was suppose to say to them.
i'll just smile when i should be frowning.
and i'll just turn and walk away if things just gets abit out of hand.
believe me, it's not that i don't care.
i just find it really redundant that i should bear my soul everytime shits happen.
there is a realization..
i'm never open.
i don't bother that much.
i don't even want to think about it.
but when it comes to you,
it seems different.
it seems as if i just want to do you right.
cause i know.. this is right.
and i know you know that this is right.
and i should probably stop confusing you huh.
:)
all right.
i updated!
grrr! -_-
goodbye world.
{Wednesday, May 07, 2008 @ 5:58 PM}
i'm kind of like a practical guy.
seeing is believing.
touching makes the whole myth solid.
so yes, pardon me for not believing in your superstitious crap that you threw.
i know i know.
it can be an insult if someone just don't believe what you believe.
wait..
different religions.. have you ever heard of that?
lets move one.
writer's block.
i'm done.
{Thursday, May 01, 2008 @ 1:01 AM}
So days passed by..
And the first week of school is done!
To find out that i'm left with only 6 weeks of studying then Attachment then major project is a downfall.
Cause i finally figure out something...
I don't wanna stop studying.
It keeps the mind going.
It keeps the time occupied.
And it keeps giving me a constant sense of purpose in life...
And i find that reason cheap and pathetic....
But heck.. its the truth.
Nonetheless,
school is a blast so far.
smoking sessions keeps us alive.
Mat food.
Mensa food.
Movies.
Badmintons.
Loga.
Desmond.
Kumar.
Ngohhh.
hahaha.
Its all good.
:)
The thing about life is.. you make decisions and you never look back.
Making wrong decisions is way better than staying stagnant at one point.
and if you wanna look back, look back to learn from it, not to re-live it.
Took me a while to grasp the whole essence of these words.
But its kinda making sense now.
To say that i didn't make decisions that i regret is an understatement.
To say that i've learnt from there sounds much better.
Yes, i might be waking up everyday with something etching at the back of my mind.
Like a parasite.
A shadow that haunts and taunts me relentlessly.
Time will be my saviour, my shield and and my salvation.
lets just hope time itself doesn't turn its back on me.
Oh, did i mention that i have my very own nuraliza osman?
:)
done.